evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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