What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
