I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Sober January is a disaster.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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