get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
