He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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