I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My ATM looks so different sober.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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