I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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