He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I forget how to act sober
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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