Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
