It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
