It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
