dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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