Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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