how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
