i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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