she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
