I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
