textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
