you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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