Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
