Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
