It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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