Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
