how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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