i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
