I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
