I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
