my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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