I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Randomize
