Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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