It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Are my feet made of real feet?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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