Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He called his prostate his "boner button".
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Randomize
