Who did Billy Mays play for?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
