Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
