dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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