Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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