You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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