k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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