Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
