If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
