she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
