I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I skipped work to stalk him.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
