I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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