P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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