What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
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