I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
