32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
