she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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