I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
