The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
okay pat passed out under dana's car
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
